


Running from Myself

by ToTheStarsWriting



Series: Hiding Under my Skin [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, But not like Tessa, Canon-Typical Racism, Discrimination, Distrust, Fear, Female Alec, Half shadowhunter, Luke is everyone's dad, Pain, Running Away, Shadowhunters grow up too fast, Tags Contain Spoilers, Warlock Alec, Young Alec, downworlder discrimination, half warlock, he adopts all the strays, pre-Jace, too mature children
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:56:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23578780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToTheStarsWriting/pseuds/ToTheStarsWriting
Summary: When Alexandra Lightwood was a young girl, she always knew she was different. There’d never been any words for that feeling, nothing to explain how she felt – not for the longest time. Just a sense inside of her that put her apart from her little sister. From everyone, really.It wasn’t until she was almost eleven years old that she finally realized why.
Relationships: minor Jocelyn Fairchild/Luke Garroway - Relationship
Series: Hiding Under my Skin [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1697266
Comments: 29
Kudos: 214





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm going to edit and post a warning here, because I've been getting a bit of hate. There's a bit of spoilers in this, but I want to make sure that people know what they're getting into.
> 
> This story contains genderbent Malec. It also contains a Shadowhunter who is also a Downworlder. This was not meant to be racist in any way. It's an exploration, a chance to see what these characters might be like when thrown in a unique situation.
> 
> Now, for the part that causes the most trouble - a warlock mark. Yes, there is a white character in here that receives patches of black skin as their warlock mark. Not black as in the natural color you see on human skin, but the black of Lilith down in Edom. It's meant to represent the demonic versus the angelic inside the character. Heaven and hell inside one body. It was not meant to be antiblack. Honestly, I didn't see it that way at all because all I pictured in my head with that coloring with the Lilith we saw in the last Edom episodes. 
> 
> If it feels that way to you, you have my most sincere apology.
> 
> If any of these things are something you feel might bother you, please don't read. I don't want you reading something that'll upset you. If you DO read, keep an open mind and please, remember my warnings. Thank you.

When Alexandra Lightwood was a young girl, she always knew she was different. There’d never been any words for that feeling, nothing to explain how she felt – not for the longest time. Just a sense inside of her that put her apart from her little sister. From everyone, really.

It wasn’t until she was almost eleven years old that she finally realized _why_.

Later, when some time had passed, a part of Alec was more than grateful that she’d been alone in her room when it happened.

For days and days she’d been feeling sort of off. Like there was something not quite right. She didn’t think she was getting sick; Shadowhunters didn’t typically _get_ sick. Even if they did, they worked through it, and they definitely didn’t _whine_ about it. Maryse had drilled that into her oldest daughter’s head years ago. While Isabelle might get away with crying over something, being the baby and all, Alec was the oldest. She was held to much stricter standards than her sister was.

She tried to pretend that it didn’t hurt when she watched her parents dote on Isabelle. The way Robert would pick her up, how he’d call her his _little princess_. (Alec had stopped being his princess a long, long time ago)

In the end, she told herself there just wasn’t any point in saying anything to them. It wasn’t like there was any one thing that Alec could point to anyway to say what was wrong. Just a feeling of not-quite-right that stuck with her through her training for the day.

She was on leave at the moment from the Academy to spend a bit of time at home. For her parents, ‘leave’ didn’t actually mean _taking a break_ , though. Alec still went through training each and every day.

What had started out as just feeling _unwell_ had turned into an almost _too-tight_ sensation to her skin. Like it was stretched out way too thin in some places. And it _itched_. Angel, did it itch! Some spots itched so bad Alec had to fight not to scratch her skin _raw_.

No one had really noticed anything off about her. Not even Isabelle. Hiding things was something Alec was getting good at. She had to be. If she let all the things people at the Academy said to her actually get to her, let them see that their words hurt, her life there would be so much harder. People already weren’t that fond of the Lightwoods for some reason or another. Alec wasn’t going to give them anything more to make fun of.

So that night, she curled herself up in her bed and tried to ignore the pain, the feeling of prickles under her skin, and just go to sleep. Maybe it’d be better in the morning. Maybe this would just all go away and she’d be _fine._

* * *

Luck didn’t seem to be on Alec’s side. She woke up sweating, her body and joints _aching_ , and had to bite down on her pillow to keep from crying out when the pain seemed to spread. That itching that had been bothering her so much had gotten stronger than ever. It spread over every inch of her skin, prickling from the inside out. It had Alec gripping at the blankets to fight back the urge to scratch until she bled.

For one brief moment she thought about calling out to her parents. Forget trying to not be weak. Something was clearly wrong with her! Something had happened. A spell, maybe? Mom always said warlocks weren’t to be trusted. But Alec hadn’t been around any!

Thinking of their faces if she dared to go down to their room had Alec shaking her head. She knew what kind of response they’d give. After all, Alec was almost _eleven_. She wasn’t a baby any longer. They wouldn’t coddle her for being weak.

The itching intensified, and Alec lost all coherent thought as it felt like her skin was suddenly on _fire_. The heat and itching grew too much to be contained. Alec gave a brief moment to be grateful that she usually slept with a soundless rune on her door anyway to keep anyone from hearing if she had a nightmare, or in case Isabelle snuck into her room again because _she_ had a nightmare. Then there was no room left for thinking. Face buried in her pillow, Alec screamed, and the whole world exploded around her.

Something was sliding through the pores of her skin like burning water. It was like her blood was boiling and pouring out of her. She was burning, ripping apart, her whole world ablaze until there was nothing but the pain.

Then, between one heartbeat and the next, a breeze blew over Alec and the heat changed into something so cold it made her shiver. It washed over her, chasing away the burning sensation until it was just an echo. A memory barely there, hovering on the edges of her mind.

Alec hadn’t realized that she’d closed her eyes. Nor how tightly she’d been gripping the bedsheets. Her hands ached with the force she was squeezing. Slowly, carefully, she began to uncurl her hands, waiting every second for the pain to come back. She couldn’t bring herself to open her eyes yet. Not until her fingers caught in the bedsheets and no amount of tugging would get them free.

When she opened her eyes, another scream tore from her already abused throat.

Those… those weren’t her hands. _Those weren’t her hands_. Alec yanked to try and get them away from the bedding and could see as they moved, curled, responded to her every command, but they weren’t hers. There was no way they were hers!

It looked like the hands of a monster. Both of them were pitch black. Like the fire she’d felt had actually gone and burnt her skin. Her nails had grown a little, a bit more pointed without fully being claw-like, and that was what was keeping them locked into the bedding.

Alec gave another hard yank. With a loud tearing sound, her hands were suddenly free. Unfortunately, the force of her tug also sent her flying off the side of the bed. She tumbled out, crashing down into the ground with a loud thud. It sent every inch of Alec’s body aching, yet she didn’t care. Couldn’t care. Not when the fall had yanked the blankets away from her bare legs and left them both on display. Her right leg looked normal, but her left one – from toe to mid-thigh, it looked just like her hands.

“Oh God, oh _God_.”

Scrambling backward, panicking, Alec twisted around and pushed up off the ground. Forget her parents mocking her for being weak. Something had happened to her – someone had done something! Alec got ready to push up off the ground and run for it, needing someone to come in and _fix this_ , only to catch sight of her room.

What had once been a bare, organized room was now an absolute mess.

The footboard of her bed was cracked down the middle. One of the posts was actually broken off, the pieces of it _shattered_ all around. The dresser was knocked over, her trunk broken, and clothes were everywhere. Some of them shredded by what looked like pieces of the bedpost.

What the _hell_ had happened here?

 _Don’t panic_ , a voice in Alec’s mind scolded her. It sounded far too much like her mother for comfort. _You’re a Shadowhunter. Shadowhunters don’t panic. If we panic, we die. Calm down, assess the situation, and then do what must be done._

Those words had made Alec grit her teeth more than once in the past. Now, she gripped tightly to them and used them to try and calm herself. Alec was sore, but she wasn’t burning anymore, wasn’t bleeding, and so far nothing seemed broken. Aside from her skin, she was in far better condition than her room.

Reaching out, Alec braced one hand on the bed, pushing herself slowly upright. As she did, she tried to draw in a deep breath to steady herself. She was a Shadowhunter. Not some pathetic little mundane. _Suck it up!_

Looking down, Alec stared at where her hand was pressed against the bed.

Just how bad was this? How bad had this thing… how much was she marked?

She knew she should go and get her parents. She should hurry out of here and go find out what was going on. But somehow, Alec found her legs pushing up and carrying her, not to the door, but to the bathroom. The one little luxury she’d been given with her upgrade to an ‘adult’ room.

On legs that felt numb, Alec walked into the bathroom and turned on the light. For one brief moment, she stayed where she was, facing the toilet and the shower. Then, slowly, she turned towards the mirror.

The sight of her reflection drew a soft, aching gasp from her. It wasn’t just her arms and leg that had been changed. “ _Raziel_.”

Half of her face had been marked by whatever this, this _thing_ was. Like an oil stain against the lightness of her skin. The black ran completely over her left eye and down part of that cheek. It went up over her temple and into her hairline. Little lines snaked away from the central mark – into her eyebrow, one down her cheek, and smaller ones ghosting up toward her forehead. It covered her left ear, a few lines snaking toward her jawline, and then traveled down the whole left side of her neck where it bled over her collarbone, her shoulder, and down her entire left arm.

Her right arm was different. It was like she’d dipped it into black ink up to her elbow. There, it kind of thinned out in little snaking lines just partially up above her elbow, and then it stopped.

With slow, shaking hands, Alec pulled off her shirt.

Her left breast was entirely covered, and when she twisted, so was her left shoulder blade. There was a hint of some on her right hip, snaking down under her underwear. But the way it looked on the left made it look like the black was over her whole leg and most of her hip.

Staring at it left Alec feeling sick. She was… she was a _monster_.

A _demon._

One of her hands lifted, almost like she was going to reach out and touch her reflection. Like that might somehow make this real.

When she did, the sight of her hand was enough to have her going still again. Not because of how it looked.

No.

Because all around Alec’s hand swirled a light that seemed to be shifting between blue and orange.

Horror was a hard, hot ball of lead growing larger and larger in her stomach. As a part of her training, Alec had been well versed in all types of Downworlders out there. Looking at this, seeing the swirl of colors around her hand, there was no doubt in Alec’s mind what it was. No moment of panic. It was like Alec’s mind blanked almost entirely of everything else. From some far, distant part of her mind was a calm voice going _oh, yes, of course. That’s magic._

Somehow, someway, Alexandra Lightwood, oldest of the Lightwood children, part of an old and respected Shadowhunter line…had magic.

All at once, the fear that Alec had been feeling before came rushing back.

She knew as surely as she knew her own name that this wasn’t something she could let anyone see. This wasn’t just some _spell_ done to mess with her. No one had used magic against her. No – this was _hers_. Her body, her magic. Alec only needed to look down at the swirls of blue magic around her hands to know that. Or step back out into her bedroom and look at the damage her magic had caused.

How it was possible, she had no idea. But she was… she was a warlock. A warlock _and_ a Shadowhunter.

 _Mom’s going to kill me_.

Those words sent a shiver down Alec’s spine. They weren’t just hyperbole. Alec knew how her parents thought about Downworlders, no matter how they tried to hide it from others sometimes. She’d seen the scorn on her mom’s face when she’d talk about warlocks and how they were tricky, they weren’t to be trusted. They were half-demon, and that was why they were marked, so everyone would know.

Alec stared at her reflection with wide, tear-filled eyes. A reflection that, up until earlier this evening, had been normal. _I’ll never be normal again._

She wasn’t just a Downworlder. She was a _freak_. A Shadowhunter _and_ a warlock both with both a mark and runes covering her skin. It didn’t seem possible, yet there was no denying what was right in front of her.

Alec’s thoughts were interrupted when someone banged on her door. “Alec, get up!” Robert’s voice shouted through the wood. “We’ve got an alarm. Someone used magic in the Institute. Go to your sister’s room and watch her until we get back.”

There were no other words. Robert didn’t even wait around to see if she’d woken up or if she was going to answer. He’d given her orders—it was up to her to obey them.

Only she couldn’t. There was no way Alec could go out there like this. What would happen when they saw her? When they realized that she was the one who’d caused the magical blast?

 _I’ve gotta get out of here_.

That thought broke through all the others, and Alec knew it was her only option. She had to get the hell out of here before someone found her. That was the only answer. If she stayed here, what they’d do to her – Alec shivered. She had to go. Somewhere far, far away from here.

Once the decision was made, it was like Alec’s body moved on autopilot. Hurrying from the bathroom, she walked through the wreckage of her room and gathered up what clothes she could and stuffed them into her bag. Then she dressed quickly and carefully, treating it like she was going out for a mission. Black jeans, a shirt, a jacket, a belt, her seraph blade at her hip, her stele, and the bow she’d been working so hard to practice with. The one she’d kept hidden in her closet so she could work on the draw in here where there was no one to tell her that weapons like these weren’t for little girls.

Over that all, she pulled on a hoodie. The last thing she did was carefully gather her hair in a loose braid over her left shoulder. With some parts of it left looser than others, she could tuck it down a little, hide her face at least somewhat, and then pull her hood up to shadow the rest. It only needed to work long enough for her to get out of here. Then…

Then she’d figure out what to do next.

* * *

Sneaking around the Institute wasn’t hard. Alec had done it plenty of times in the past. She knew how to get to the kitchens, how to get to Isabelle’s room, where all the best places were to duck down and hide from people passing in the hall. She used those to her best advantage now as she hurried as quickly as she could down the hall. The only blessing was that most of the Shadowhunters sounded like they were all headed down towards the Ops Center. That made the hallways emptier. Though, it raised the risk of the cameras catching her.

Alec ducked down into the nearest hall she could where she knew the cameras were broken. Once she was in there, she breathed a small sigh of relief. Then she tugged the bag further up her shoulder, made sure her face was still covered, and then hurried forward.

Just up ahead was a statue that had a little hidden doorway behind it. One that Alec and Isabelle had found once and then used plenty of times to slip out to the yard for a little playtime. Or, well, Isabelle went to play. Alec went to keep her out of trouble and make sure she wasn’t caught.

She’d made it to the statue and had just slipped behind it when a voice caught her off guard.

“Alec?”

Alec’s heart felt like it stopped in her chest. She froze, half behind the statue, and debated for a moment whether just bolting might work. The only thing that stopped her was that she knew Isabelle would try and follow her. She was always trying to follow Alec everywhere.

Slowly, carefully turning herself so that the shadows kept the left side of her face hidden, Alec turned to face her sister. “What, Izzy?”

“Where’re you going?” The younger girl moved up toward her without fear. She was always so fearless.

Why wasn’t Isabelle in bed? She was supposed to be shut away somewhere safe when the Institute alarms went off; she wasn’t old enough to go and fight. Not yet. Alec wanted to make damn sure that Isabelle stayed out of the fighting for as long as possible. Let her stay a little girl as long as she could. _I won’t be able to do that anymore._

That thought had Alec’s voice just a little sharper than usual when she spoke again. “You’re supposed to be in bed.”

“And you’re supposed to be with me. The alarm went off – that means you come to my room. So how come you’re sneakin’ out?”

This wasn’t a conversation that Alec had ever wanted to have. She’d wanted to just _go._ Disappear and never look back. The thought of talking to her parents was an impossible one, and talking to Isabelle… she hadn’t sure she’d be able to make it to her room and then back out without being seen. Besides, she had no idea what to tell her. How did she explain this?

For as young as she was, Isabelle was smart. Far smarter than Alec. She was going to be brilliant and deadly one day.

Too fast for Alec to stop her, the girl darted forward, latching on to Alec’s arm to prevent her from moving away. She tucked herself in behind the statue as well, squishing them in there until there was no way someone would see them unless they were right upon them, and there was no way for Alec to get away.

“What is it?” Isabelle demanded. She tightened her grip on Alec’s arm and glared up at her with the kind of defiance that would get her in so much trouble one day. Yet, if she kept it, it would likely take her far. “You know what attacked, don’t you? You’re going after it!”

Alec swallowed down the lump that was trying to build in her throat. It didn’t go down easy, choking her as it went. “No.” The word came out far more hoarse than Alec had wanted.

She watched in the dim light as Isabelle’s eyes narrowed on her. She looked down and took in the bag that Alec was wearing as well as the bow on her back. Then she looked up, tilting her head to try and catch sight of her underneath the hood.

Alec didn’t know what to say. She felt frozen, knowing she needed to say something and yet not sure what. What was she supposed to do here?

She should’ve known Isabelle would take the choice out of her hands. The girl moved lightning-fast and darted her free hand up to shove at Alec’s hood.

Just barely did Alec manage to jerk back and reach up to catch the hood before it was pulled fully off. Even so, she knew by the wide-eyed look that Isabelle was giving her that her sister had seen underneath. “By the angel.”

“I didn’t mean to do it,” Alec blurted out before she could stop herself. “I swear, Izzy, I didn’t know. It just, I was in my room, and it just _happened_.”

“Oh, Alec.”

To Alec’s surprise, instead of pulling away or running off screaming, Isabelle did the exact opposite. She slammed herself forward and wrapped tightly around Alec. The hug was tight enough to almost cut off air, and yet Alec didn’t dare move her. She wrapped her own arms around her little sister and held her close.

Buried against her the way she was, it was hard to hear Isabelle’s voice. Yet Alec was well used to listening to even the faintest whispers from Isabelle. She’d been taking care of her since the day she was born. “You’re leaving, aren’t you?”

The sadness present in those words was like getting punched again. Alec closed her eyes and buried her face against Isabelle’s hair. How many times was she going to have to hurt tonight? How many blows was she supposed to take and still keep on going?

Alec fought to clear her throat and steady her voice. Now, more than ever, she needed to be strong. Not just for herself anymore. For Isabelle.

“I have to,” Alec said softly. She turned her face in a little until her nose rubbed through Isabelle’s hair. She smelled like that rose shampoo their father had brought back for her from his travels. “You know I do, Izzy. If Mom and Dad saw me like this and knew I… that I…”

“Take me with you?”

Agony was like a living being inside of Alec. This was worse than what had happened earlier. Worse than the burning, the changing, the fear and pain that she’d gone through. Hearing Isabelle sound so small, so desperate was torture. Especially when they both knew what answer Alec had to give. “You can’t.”

When Isabelle pulled back, her face was dry but her eyes were wet. “Why not? I don’t wanna stay here without you!” Then, in the way of every child Alec had ever met – she’d long since stopped considering herself one – Isabelle actually stamped her foot and demanded, “Who’s gonna take care of me, huh? Who’s gonna help make sure I eat and practice? Who’s gonna spar with me?”

“Mom and Dad will find you someone else, Izzy-Bella _._ ” Alec let go of Isabelle with one hand so she could reach up to tuck a bit of her loose hair behind her ear. “You’ll be fine. And maybe… maybe I’ll figure out a way to fix this, whatever this is, and I’ll come back.”

Just as she’d know Isabelle would, the young girl latched onto that. “You’ll come back?”

“Maybe.” That was the best promise Alec could give, and they both knew it. Only Alec could taste the lie behind her words.

Noise nearby reminded the two of them that they weren’t alone here. Their time was limited.

Alec pulled on the wrist of her hoodie and curled it over her hand so she could swipe at the few tears that were trying to spill free. “I’m sorry, Izzy. I am. But, I have to do this, okay?”

“I’ll miss you,” Isabelle said softly. That soft, sad little voice she sometimes got at night when she came to Alec after her nightmares. Who was going to do that for her in the future? Who would she go to now?

Fighting back the pain in her heart, and the aching in her gut, Alec bent down and kissed her forehead. “I’ll miss you too.”

It was the hardest thing Alec had ever done to make herself let go of her sister. She drew her arms back and reminded herself that this was for the best. This was what she had to do. “I love you, Izzy. Don’t forget, okay? No matter what anyone else says, you remember that.”

Those words had never been ones easily said in their family. But they were ones that Alec had always made sure to say to Isabelle from the very start. She’d always wanted her to know just how loved she was. How important.

Isabelle sniffed. “I love you too.” Then she drew on that part of her that was just as much of a Shadowhunter as anyone else. The tough part that would make her _amazing_ as a Shadowhunter one day. Even though her eyes were still watering, she met Alec’s gaze head-on and as serious as she’d ever been. “Don’t _you_ forget it either, _hermana_. Even if you… even if you can’t come back for Mom and Dad. I’ll always want you. No matter what, okay?”

Emotion clogged Alec’s throat so badly she couldn’t answer. All she could do was give a quick, sharp nod.

Then Isabelle stepped back, moving out of the way, and Alec’s pathway was clear. She took one last look at her brave little warrior – one last image to take with her. And then Alec turned, slipped into the passageway, and she was gone.

She didn’t know where she was going to go or what she was going to do. She had no plan beyond getting out of the Institute. But that could be figured out once she was out there. Once she was safe.

* * *

Getting out of the Institute turned out to be the easiest part for Alec. Being out on the streets… that part, not so much.

She had nowhere to go. No idea what to do. No mundane money to help her alone. And only a base knowledge of runes to help her out. She knew the most important ones. Her Dad had been drilling her on them for quite a while now. Which, thankfully, meant that she knew the runes necessary to keep herself hidden from sight. The last thing she needed was a mundane spotting her.

Well, no, the last thing she needed was to be spotted by a Shadowhunter or even a Downworlder. If they found her, they’d either drag her back, or they’d kill her on the spot.

Alec did the only thing she could think of to do.

She found a spot down near the docks where she knew the water would make it harder, if not impossible, for anyone to track her. Then, she nosed around until she found a warehouse that looked like no one ever went in it. Somewhere she could curl up, just for a little bit, and try to figure out what the hell she was going to do next.

There, with no one around to see and no one for her to risk hurting, she let go of the iron-clad control that had been gripping her from the moment she’d stared at herself in the mirror and had been forced to confront what she’d become. Alec sank down against the wall and curled her knees up towards her chest. She held her hands out, looking at them with a sense of aching horror.

The skin there didn’t look like it was burned, despite how it’d felt when it happened. It was more like it’d simply shifted color. Like it was some sort of demonic birthmark that had burst forth.

Why now? Weren’t warlocks _born_ the way they were? If that was what she was, why had it waited until now to happen? Could… had her family _known_? Known and somehow repressed it?

Alec dropped her face down to bury against her hands. She took a ragged breath, and then another. What was she going to do?

There was no going back. Even if Alec’s parents _had_ known and they’d somehow been responsible for repressing things, it clearly wasn’t working anymore, and what they might do to fix that…or if they found out they couldn’t fix i…

Selfish though it might be, Alec couldn’t give them that chance.

Nor could she go seek out help. She was alone. Well and truly alone.

Closing her eyes tightly, as if that might somehow stop the traitorous tears that were burning in them, Alec tried to find that calm that her parents had taught her to grip at. The one that had gotten her through so many different things already. She was destined to be a leader one day! Leaders didn’t curl up in corners and freak out.

 _You’re not gonna be the leader of anything anymore_ , her brain pointed out.

Alec swallowed down the bile that tried to build. Around her hands, she felt a sort of tingle. Just the faintest echo of what she’d felt earlier.

When she pulled back, she found that her hands were once more glowing. Only this time, the magic was just blue, not orange or any other color. Nor did it feel angry. It felt…soothing, almost. Like it was trying to soothe her.

As Alec stared at the magic that she’d never wanted, a magic that she would get rid of if she could, she knew the first thing she had to do. She needed to figure out a way to control this so what happened earlier in her bedroom didn’t happen again.

The archives were full of stories of warlocks who’d lost their power and caused some serious destruction. That was the last thing Alec wanted to happen. She had to learn how to control this so she could be safe. Plenty of warlocks learned how, and from what she saw in a few files, they’d done it on their own, too. At least some of the time. She could do the same. She could hide out down here by the water to keep from being found and practice each and every day until she had things under control. Then… she wasn’t sure what she would do next.

 _First things first, get this under control. The rest can come later_.

Determination had Alec slowly straightening herself up from the curled up position she’d been hiding in.

This was just like some of the training exercises they’d done at the Academy. Only, instead of the woods, she was on the streets of New York. The principal of the matter was the same, though. Alec needed to find shelter, make sure she was protected against the elements and any people or demons, and then see about getting some food, too. She’d have to find somewhere secure. Somewhere that she wouldn’t risk being easily found by strangers.

Laying here and cowering while she whined about her problems wasn’t going to get her anywhere. Alec tugged at that feeling of magic in her hands, pleased to see as it retreated back under her skin, a warm sensation that was surprisingly soothing.

That done, she pushed herself up to her feet. It was time to get to work.


	2. Chapter 2

When Alec had first searched out a place to hide down at the docks, she hadn’t exactly intended to set up a long-term camp. Nor had she really thought that far ahead about what she was going to do. She’d simply done her best to find a small shelter and then made the most out of it.

It was surprising how many warehouses there were down by the waterfront. Those had been her first goal, and she’d found a few temporary places there where she could go and camp if need be. But the real treasure she’d found was a church not too far from the water. One that seemed to mostly stay empty, even during the day, but also definitely at night. There was no night guard, either, which was perfect.

Alec could slip in, set up camp, and spend a night on holy ground safe from the demons that might try and hunt her. A few extra discreet symbols around the building helped to make it a little safer, too.

A few days meant to try and give herself control turned into a week, and then two weeks, and then a month had gone by. Alec kept meticulous track of the passing days in a little notebook that had been stuffed down in her bag along with everything else. There were a few things in there she was grateful to have. Things that she hadn’t really thought to pack. But when she’d grabbed the bag and put her clothes in it, she’d grabbed up her school bag. One that was still packed from her time at the Academy.

That meant there was an extra stele in there, plus some notes she’d made from studying the Gray Book. They were supposed to study just one rune at a time, especially while still so young, but Alec had been raised to always be better, do _more_ , and so she’d worked hard to study them all. She’d copied some of the basic ones down on paper, while others she’d only described or drawn in pieces. Some runes were powerful enough to need special paper if they were drawn.

One of the runes she’d had notes on ended up being far more important than she’d ever expected – the anti-tracking rune. She’d always thought that idea was a fascinating one. She’d spent so much time wondering what kind of situation a Shadowhunter would be in that they wouldn’t want their friends or family to find them.

Now, she was just grateful.

Slowly but surely, as Alec learned to control her magic, time on the streets continued to pass. She got to the point where she felt comfortable venturing out for more extended periods of time – not just to try and steal food. She was getting control of her magic with each passing day. Enough that she was eventually able to get herself something to eat now and again, thankfully. Without it, she was left to scrounge in dumpsters or glamour herself so she could sneak into a store at night and steal.

Time on the streets had begun to change her. By the time she’d been out there for three months, she might’ve had a much better control of her magic, but other parts of her had changed as well.

Magic kept her from getting too dirty looking, thankfully. At least with clothes. She managed to slip into the church bathroom and use the sink to clean up a little too, a fact which she was more than grateful for a few different times. But she learned that sometimes being a little dirty was less important than, say, ducking down behind a dumpster to hide from someone, or digging around to grab a bite to eat.

More than once, Alec contemplated going to someone for help. Only who would she go to? There was only one warlock in the whole of New York that Alec actually knew the name of, and she _really_ didn’t want to go to her. Maryse often talked down about warlocks, but the way she talked about the local High Warlock? The anger in her voice? It didn’t sound like they had a good history there. Would the woman even want to help Alec if she found out who she was?

Or, even worse, would he feel obligated to turn her in?

Alec had no doubt that her family was looking for her. She’d noticed a few extra Shadowhunters here and there and had been forced to scramble to escape them. As little as Maryse or Robert liked the High Warlock, it’d make sense that they’d send them out to track her.

That just meant that Alec got extra good at hiding, and she always made sure her anti-tracking rune was activated. With that, she tried to stick close to bodies of water just to add an extra layer of protection.

But, sometimes she needed to get out a little. Sometimes she just wanted to… to pretend for a little while that she was close to normal.

Maybe it was a bit pathetic, and maybe people might laugh at her, but one of Alec’s favorite ways of doing that was to go to parks fully glamoured and sit herself down to watch the families for a little while. Sometimes, if she sat close enough, she could pretend for a moment like she was a part of them. Like she was a part of those smiles and all that laughter.

Mundane families were different than what Alec was used to. They were so _innocent._ Even the adults. None of them had any idea about the kinds of things that Shadowhunters protected them from. They had no idea about the demons that could so easily kill them if there weren’t the nephilim to keep them protected at night.

One of Alec’s favorite places was to go sit by a little lake when it was early evening time and watch the ducks and geese in the water. This was often where some of the younger kids came to, and though it was its own brand of torture to watch them, Alec couldn’t help it. She’d curl up on a giant rock by the bushes and watch the kids that reminded her so much of Isabelle, and she’d wonder how her sister was. What she was doing. Had she told anyone about Alec leaving? Was she okay? Who was making sure that she ate, or brushed her teeth, or put her hair in a braid before bed? If she slept with it loose, it always ended up tangled.

Alec ran a hand over her own braid as she thought about it. Her hair wasn’t as long as Isabelle’s was. She kept it about halfway down her back, while Isabelle never cut hers, so it was almost to her bottom.

Isabelle liked letting her hair go free sometimes. Alec had spent hours before sitting in her sister’s room, helping her study the rune flashcards that they had while brushing out all the knots in her hair. Then Alec would slowly, carefully, braid it all back up into one single braid for Isabelle to go to sleep with. Who did that for her now?

Curling in a little more, Alec rested her chin on her knees and blinked away those memories. They’d do her no good now.

Alec focused her attention instead on the girl a little ways in front of her. She and her mom had shown up not that long ago. Her mom sat on the bench nearby next to a random mundane lady while the girl played in the water.

She was young—Alec was willing to bet she was exactly Isabelle’s age, if not a year younger—and looked so happy. Carefree. Her bright red hair hung loosely around her face, and she was beaming at whatever she saw down in the water.

Everything looked so ordinary. But something wasn’t right.

Magic tingled along Alec’s skin. An early warning system, she’d learned, for when something bad was around. Usually, she felt it at night when demons got too close, and she wasn’t back in her sanctuary yet. How was she feeling it now? _Why_? It wasn’t dark enough yet for there to be any demons out!

As if to prove her wrong, a demon came bursting out of the water right in front of the small girl, and Alec’s heart froze in fear.

The need to run hit her. _Hard_. But…

All Alec could see was the demon coming toward the little girl – a little girl no older than Isabelle. Could she really leave someone like Isabelle alone and defenseless like that?

In that instant, there wasn’t anything else that Alec could’ve done. She moved instinctively, blade off her hip and in her hand before she’d even cleared two steps. She leapt at the demon at the same time that the red-haired woman did, and the two struck at almost the same time, Alec’s blade sinking in from one side at the same time that the woman’s sank in from the other.

The demon turned to ash and ichor in front of them. Alec watched how it sank toward the water. Only for a moment, though. After that, all of Alec’s focus was on the woman standing there, clutching at her daughter. The woman who was staring right at Alec with her mouth hanging open and her eyes wide.

The breeze ruffled through Alec’s hair. She realized, with a dawning sense of horror, that not only was she standing in front of an apparent _Shadowhunter_ , her _hood was down_. Which meant this woman could see her face.

Alec was only frozen for a moment. Then self-preservation kicked in, and adrenaline flooded through her. In a flash, she pivoted on her heel and took off, ignoring the voice that called out “Wait!” behind her. Alec ran and ran, switching out her sword for her stele as she did. Once she had it, she ran it over the necessary runes and felt the speed kick through her.

These parks were her stomping grounds lately. She knew how to move, how to get around, and how to _get out_ if necessary. It took no time at all to retreat to one of her hiding places.

A few minutes there, and Alec was pretty sure the woman wasn’t coming after her. Not anymore. Likely, she was trying to get her daughter out of there. Or maybe dealing with the mundane that had been sitting there.

Alec should’ve gotten the hell out, too. Now that she was sure the woman wasn’t coming, she should’ve moved out of her hiding spot and run. Only…

How had that demon come out when there was still light out here? Was there something going on with that water? Alec stared back in the direction she’d come from and chewed on her lip, thinking. Someone needed to check this out. This Shadowhunter woman, would she bring back others to come and look things over?

 _All the more reason to get out of here_ , Alec reminded herself. If the woman brought back other Shadowhunters than Alec needed to be far away from here when she did.

What if she didn’t, though? What if she didn’t, and there was something wrong with this little place, and people just kept bringing their kids here only they were mundane so they couldn’t see what happened? Their kids would get dragged into the water, and they’d never know any better.

Alec couldn’t just walk away and let that happen. _And what are you gonna do? You’re not even a real Shadowhunter. You’re not a real warlock, either. You have no idea how to fix this! And if she does bring back Shadowhunters, you’re screwed!_

If the woman did bring back Shadowhunters, better to know in advance that they were there. If a new team was going to be patrolling for her, Alec needed to know and be aware of it.

There were plenty of reasons behind staying here and waiting for a little while. Just an hour or two, until it was dark. Once it was, Alec could slip away to the nearby church, even if it wasn’t _her_ church, and get a few hours of sleep. But if she went back to her church now without waiting to see what was going on, she’d be worrying and wondering all night.

Mind made up, Alec moved from her spot and into a much better hiding spot, up in a tree. Here, with her glamour on and her anti-tracking rune to hopefully keep her safe, no one would be able to find her. Then she settled herself in to wait.

* * *

Hours went by without any sign of anyone coming back. When it finally hit full dark, and no one had shown up, Alec gave it up. Clearly, no one was coming.

She carefully dropped down out of the tree to land softly in the grass. Her hands automatically came up to adjust her hood so that her head was covered. It was habit more than anything else that had her doing it. She worked to always keep her hands and face covered from sight. Her neck, too, as the months started to get colder.

A glance over at the water had Alec hesitating. Maybe she should go take a look, just in case. Not that she’d be able to do anything about it. Not really. But… perhaps she’d be able to sense something. If she did, she could figure out how to get a message to the Shadowhunters, or maybe to a warlock. There had to be a way of sending a message without being tracked, right? She could send a fire message to the local High Warlock, perhaps.

Alec had only taken two steps forward, still not quite sure, when the sound of something nearby caught her attention.

She went still. Slowly, eyes narrowed, Alec turned herself to scan the grass around her. There were bushes, the open grass, and a bank of trees off to her left. It was those trees that she focused her attention on. From them came the sound of what she thought might be a low growl. Then there was a heavy tread, stronger than that a human would make. Her magic prickled along her skin in that silent warning again. That wasn’t a human coming at her, or a Shadowhunter. It was either a demon or…

There was a low cracking sound just moments before a man in sweatpants stepped out of the trees.

A werewolf.

The guy was tall, dark-skinned, and at first glance, he had a friendly face. He wasn’t glaring or snarling at Alec. Wasn’t even trying to make his way toward her. All he did was step out where she could see him, and then he held his hands up on either side of him. “I’m not here to hurt you.”

Yeah, right. Like Alec was going to believe that.

Her disbelief must’ve been apparent on her face. The guy chuckled a little and lowered his hands down. “Yeah, I imagine you’ve got no reason to believe that. I’m telling the truth, though. I’m not here to hurt you. Even if I was, something tells me you’d be pretty good at getting away.”

He wasn’t wrong. Already, Alec had three different escape routes planned. Why she hadn’t used them yet, she didn’t know. She just held still and stared at him, daring him to speak. To say whatever it was he was here for.

“My name’s Luke,” the guy said into the silence. “I came here to see if I could track your scent from that pond over there. The one where you saved a woman and her child earlier today.”

Alec shifted her weight on her feet in preparation to run. This guy was with _them_? The only thing that kept her from just straight-up running now was the fact that this Luke person was a werewolf who could easily track her. A werewolf that was apparently close with the two Shadowhunters she’d seen earlier. Or, one and a half. The girl hadn’t had any runes on her. Even though she was at the age where she should’ve at least had her angelic power rune. Then again, it could’ve just been somewhere hidden.

All of a sudden, Luke shifted his weight around and then just _sat down_ right there in the grass. It put him lower than Alec, in a slightly weaker position even with his ability to shift. He’d have to lunge forward to be able to land on his feet if he did, and that would give Alec plenty of time to move.

She wasn’t stupid; she knew the move was deliberate. Yet it relaxed her anyway. Just a little. Enough for her to speak up for the first time since he’d stepped out. “What do you want?”

The words felt strange in her throat. For the first time, Alec realized just how long it’d been since she’d actually talked out loud. There’d been no need to. No one around for her to talk to. Doing it now felt… strange.

“To talk to you,” Luke said simply. He folded his hands down into his lap and then settled in like he was perfectly content to just keep sitting there. Even though the grass had to be a little damp against his pants.

Furrowing her brow, Alec drew back a little, no longer standing ready to run but keeping herself loose enough to do so if she had to. “Why?”

“Because you saved the life of someone very special to me at what I’m guessing was a great personal risk to yourself.”

When Alec said nothing, just waited, Luke nodded. Then he looked right at her and bluntly said, “You’re a Shadowhunter, but that’s not all you are, are you?”

Fear gripped Alec like a noose around her throat. Her hand clenched down convulsively on the blade at her waist, while the rest of her prepared to gather and throw a blast of magic that might make sure she had time to get away. “What’s it to you?”

“Hey, I’m not the bad guy here, kiddo.” Luke held his hands up, palm out, and kept his gaze on hers. “I’m not here to cause trouble or to take you back to the Institute. From what Jocelyn said, it sounds like you might have a pretty good reason not to go back. I’m guessing you left, or they threw you out. Either way, I’m not going to send you back there. Not unless that’s what you want.”

That was what she wanted more than anything. She was just smart enough to know it wasn’t possible. “I can’t go back,” Alec said flatly.

“Cause of that mark on your face?”

Some boldness seized Alec at that moment. A carelessness borne of exhaustion and something else she couldn’t quite put a name to. Loneliness, maybe. This was the first person in months who could see her – who she could talk to. That need to connect to another person, even if for just a moment, spurred Alec on to make what was probably a stupid choice.

With one hand, Alec reached up and drew her hood back. Then she took the single step forward it would take to bring her into the light. With that, she revealed the whole of her face to him in all its disgusting glory. “You tell me.” Lifting a hand, Alec let magic crackle around her fingers, just little sparks like she often liked to do to entertain herself in the dark. It lit up the dark skin on both her hand and her face quite clearly. “You really think they’d let someone like me back in for any reason other than to kill me?”

“No,” Luke said, far more honest and blunt than she’d expected. It stunned Alec into lowering her hand, the magic fading away. Luke didn’t even try to watch it. He just kept looking at her eyes – not her _face_ , her _eyes_. “I don’t think they would. Which is why I’m not here to send you back there, like I said. But I am here to offer you an alternative.”

“What?”

“Come with me.” He must’ve seen the protest building because he shook his head. “I know how that sounds, and trust me, I wish I knew a way to reassure you I don’t mean it like that. But, let’s just say my little family is kind of unique, and no one there is going to look down on you for being Shadowhunter, or warlock, or whatever else you are.”

That sounded far too good to be true. A Shadowhunter, her kid, and a werewolf, just inviting Alec to their place for… what? What exactly was it they expected of her?

Luke’s expression gentled a little. His eyes looked sad, like something about Alec made him feel that way, only she had no idea what. “It’s not a trick question, kiddo. It’s an honest offer. You saved Clary’s life today, and we want to thank you for that. The least we can do is feed you and give you a place to sleep for the night.”

“Really?” Alec asked, lip curled up. “That’s all. Just food and a bed, nothing else.”

“That’s it.”

“Just like that, you expect me to go spend the night with a werewolf and a couple of Shadowhunters?”

“And a warlock,” Luke said easily, smirking when it clearly surprised her.

A werewolf, two Shadowhunters, and a warlock. Alec’s brow furrowed down. Before she could think to stop herself, she blurted out, “Who _are_ you people?”

If Luke was offended by her question, he didn’t show it. If anything, he seemed pleased by in, grinning broadly at her. “We’re people who know what it’s like to need to run and hide. If you let us, we’d like to be able to help you do the same.”

Alec was torn in two. The urge to run was still there. It was her survival instinct, insisting that she get out of here, away from an offer that clearly had to be too good to be true. That was also a small part of Alec that was trying to remind her Downworlders weren’t to be trusted. It was the Shadowhunter part of her, one that Alec was starting to realize she shouldn’t listen to. After all, she was a Downworlder now, too, wasn’t she? At least part of her.

The other half of Alec wanted nothing more than to lean on this guy that seemed so honest and sincere. Her magic didn’t feel upset in his presence. If anything, it felt sort of happy, and maybe that was enough. It’d tell her if there was something wrong, right?

Alec didn’t realize she’d made her decision until she heard herself giving a soft “Okay.”


	3. Chapter 3

Thirty minutes later found the two of them getting out of a taxicab in front of a simple apartment building. It didn’t look like anything special. Yet, Alec could _feel_ the power coming from there. The feel of it made her skin itch. Power, magic, was wrapped in layer after layer around the whole of the building in a way that hurt her eyes to see it, like she wasn’t supposed to. It tingled its way across her skin. Wincing, Alec drew her arms up to cross over her chest in an effort to keep her hands from scratching.

“Come on,” Luke said, gesturing for her to follow him. He didn’t touch her – hadn’t touched her even once, actually. A fact which she was more than grateful for. She wasn’t sure she could handle someone touching her right now. Not when she felt like she was going to vibrate out of her skin.

Back at the park, Luke had only taken a brief moment to go grab his bag and change back into regular clothes once Alec had agreed to come with him. Then he’d taken them both out and hailed down a cab. He hadn’t forced Alec to deglamour herself for the cab ride. Just acted like she wasn’t there. She was more than content to stay silent at his side.

Now they were here, and Alec was wondering yet again what the hell she was doing. She didn’t know why she’d agreed to this. It was stupid. This whole thing was stupid. But… but the idea of being able to talk to some Shadowhunters who weren’t part of the Institute, who she had never even _heard_ of, and to go see a warlock… How could she pass that up? Especially when the warlock clearly wasn’t tied to the Institute if they were around Shadowhunters. Shadowhunters that Alec was beginning to suspect were in hiding for some reason or another, just like her.

Alec held on to her hope and pushed down her fear as she followed on Luke’s heels as the man took them inside and into the little antique shop that was in the downstairs of the building. Walking in through the first layer of magic was like moving through mud. It tugged at her, bits of it still clinging against her skin even when she was on the other side. Alec shuddered under the feel of it, yet she kept moving. None of it felt like it was trying to trap her. She knew if she ran, she’d be able to get away, wash away the bits of magic that were clinging to her.

Once inside, they found a woman waiting for them. She wasn’t very tall, and she dressed plainly in jeans and a t-shirt, with her dark brown hair pulled back into a ponytail. Her eyes were warm, yet curious when they traveled over Luke and then back to Alec.

“I found our little Shadowhunter friend from the park,” Luke said, gesturing back toward Alec.

The woman smiled warmly at her. Soft, in a way that Alec wasn’t used to having directed toward her. Especially not from someone whose kind generally hated Shadowhunters. But it was when she spoke that it got really weird. The woman spoke softly like Alec was a frightened toddler in need of soothing. “Hey there, sweetheart. My name’s Dot.”

Alec raised an eyebrow a little at the gentle tone that Dot used. How old did she think Alec was? Three? Four? Rolling her eyes, Alec crossed her arms over her chest and gave Dot her most unimpressed look. It was one she’d picked up at her mother’s knee. “Hi.”

A soft snort came from Luke’s direction. When Alec looked over at him again, he was smiling like he found something funny about all this, with was surprisingly a little…soothing. Smile growing a little, he reached out and put a hand on Dot’s shoulder, drawing her back a step. Then he winked at Alec. “Take it easy on her, kiddo. She’s not used to dealing with kids as grown up as you are. Most of the kids Dot deals with are mundane.”

Well, that explained a lot. What little Alec had seen these last few months of mundane families told her that kids were treated like kids far beyond the point where they should’ve started to grow up a little. On the one hand, it was bizarre. But on the other, it was kind of nice, too. A bit like what Alec had tried to do for Isabelle in some ways. Keep her happy and young for as long as possible. It was just easier to do with mundanes since they didn’t have to worry about things like demons.

“Why don’t we take this conversation upstairs?” Luke suggested.

Dot nodded her head, and then she reached out for Alec, who immediately fell back into a defensive stance. The woman froze, hand extended Alec’s way, and her eyes wide with surprise. “I wasn’t going to hurt you,” Dot said slowly. “If you want past the wards to go upstairs, I have to touch you. Just for a moment.”

Alec narrowed her eyes and stared at the woman in front of her for just a moment. Did she dare trust her? Dot could claim just about anything, and Alec wouldn’t know any better. She wasn’t sure she knew her own magic well enough to detect if Dot tried to do something wrong.

She looked to Luke in silent question. Why she was trusting him, she didn’t know. She just knew that some part of her did.

When he gave her a small nod, Alec turned back to Dot and nodded as well.

What Dot had to do ended up being just as simple as she said. She touched Alec’s shoulder with the tips of two fingers and that was it. Just that touch, a small shiver of magic brushing against the edge of Alec’s, and then her presence was gone – along with that clinging bit of magic on Alec’s skin. The muddy feeling she’d walked through before and had been carrying since then was gone. Alec looked up, surprised, and Dot smiled. “Okay, we’re good to go.”

Going up to the apartment above the shop felt a bit like going to stand in front of Maryse after Alec had done something wrong. That sense of dark anticipation down low in her gut when she just _knew_ things weren’t going to go well. The unease of wondering what was going to happen to her. What kind of punishment she was going to get this time.

When she stepped through the front door on the heels of Luke and Dot, Alec had already shifted her stance. Her body instinctively moved into the rigid posture that had been drilled into her. Chin up, spine straight, shoulders back, hands behind her back.

The very first thing she saw as soon as the two in front of her moved was the woman that Luke had called Jocelyn. She was sitting on a couch set up in the middle of a rather nice looking room. The whole place carried a sort of homey, lived-in feel. One that Alec only took note of absently. It could’ve been Inquisitor's office for all she cared at the moment. All of Alec’s attention was on watching Jocelyn. The way the woman sat up, how her eyes went immediately to Alec. The way she flinched when she saw Alec’s face.

Coldness settled in the young girl. She took it and used it to harden her shields. Force her emotions down even further where no one would be able to touch them.

“Come on, come have a seat,” Luke said, waving a hand forward.

Alec didn’t say anything. Nor did she move. She knew better than to put herself in that kind of position. Better to stand here and take whatever was going to happen. _You never should’ve come here. What did you think, that they were really this nice? That they really wanted to_ help _?_

“Please, come in,” Jocelyn said, startling her. She looked like she meant what she was saying, too. The flinch she’d shown before was gone now. In its place was a smile that Alec didn’t dare trust. “I’m so glad Luke found you. I was worried about you.”

The sass that Alec had shown Luke earlier was nowhere in sight. It was one thing to use it against him or Dot. Another entirely to use it against the Shadowhunter she was currently facing. The instinct to apologize for worrying her was strong. Alec had to bite her tongue to keep it inside. This wasn’t home, and Jocelyn wasn’t Maryse. They weren’t even in an Institute. She didn’t have to do _anything_.

When it was clear Alec wasn’t going to sit, the adults all exchanged one of those speaking looks. One that was meant to say things the kids around them didn’t understand. Then Luke took a seat on the couch with Jocelyn, and Dot took one of the chairs near them.

Jocelyn reached out and threaded her hand with Luke’s. The gesture looked easy; like a habit. Internally, Alec wanted to raise her eyebrows. On the outside, she kept perfectly still.

“We wanted to thank you for jumping in like that to save Clary,” Jocelyn said softly.

The question that had been burning at the back of Alec’s mind since the earlier events came tumbling past her lips. “Is she okay?”

Smiling, Jocelyn nodded. “She is. We got the demon before it could get to her, and she’s been… taken care of.”

There was a slight hesitation in Jocelyn’s words that had Alec wanting to question her. What did she mean by _taken care of_? But, it wasn’t Alec’s place to ask. She knew better. Instead, she just clasped her hands tighter and stayed silent, waiting.

Only, what came wasn’t what she was expecting. Or the others, judging by the looks they gave Luke when he suddenly said, “You know, some of this can wait till morning, once Clary’s in school. Right now, you look more than anything like you could use some sleep, kiddo. Why don’t I show you to the guest room, and you can tuck in for a while? Then, in the morning, we’ll have some breakfast, and we can talk a little more.”

The offer of sleep and food had been part of what had drawn Alec here. Using it now to get away from being questioned was something she could definitely get behind. When she nodded, Luke clapped his hands on his thighs and then pushed up. “Good. Follow me.”

Leaving behind the two women, with no small sense of relief, Alec quickly hurried after Luke. He took her down a short hall, gesturing once or twice along the way as he did. “The bathroom’s here, and this is Clary’s room. Over there is mine and Jocelyn’s room. I’m there most nights, but sometimes I still go home. I’ll be here tonight, though. And this…” he paused in front of a door across from the one that he said was Clary’s. Smiling, he pushed it open to reveal a simple bedroom with a dresser and a bed inside, nothing more. “…this is the guest room. You can stay here tonight without any worry about anyone coming in.”

Alec cast him a skeptical look at that. Right. She was just supposed to trust that none of them were going to come in? She didn’t say anything, though. While he might be trying to hint that she could trust them, Alec wasn’t stupid. She knew ways to help keep the room safe while she slept.

Luke watched her go in with that same sad smile from earlier. “Sweet dreams, kiddo.”

Once the door was shut, and she’d made sure his footsteps were far enough away, Alec hurried to pull out her stele. Marking runes right out in the open wasn’t exactly the best of ideas. So instead, she knelt down on the ground and put the runes at the very bottom of the door, small enough that they might be missed. Down there, they’d activate when the door was shut, and do nothing with it open. Then, as she’d come to realize she could do, she pushed a little magic into them to make them stronger, watching with satisfaction as a faint blue net was cast over the room. _There_.

The sound of voices had Alec tilting her head a little and looking up. She hesitated only a moment and then reached up to quietly open the door.

It took a second, but her ears adjusted to the quiet, and soft voices filtered in.

“…do you think happened to her?”

That was Jocelyn, and she didn’t sound as cheerful as she had before. She sounded softer. Upset.

“I think it’s pretty clear what happened to her,” Luke said.

Dot spoke up next, hesitant, and some other emotion Alec couldn’t place. “It’s not, though. No, I’m not arguing with you, Luke. I can see the girl’s a Shadowhunter, and even without looking, I can _feel_ that she’s a warlock. What I’m saying is that it should be impossible. Especially with a mark like that. There’s no way her family wouldn’t have known from the instant she was born.”

“The way she was talking, I get the feeling that thing wasn’t there when she was born,” Luke said slowly. “She acted like it was new. Pretty sure it’s why she ran away. She sure seemed to know what’d be waiting for her if she went back looking like that.”

The room went quiet for a long moment. Alec stayed where she was, ear pressed to the barely-open crack of the door, waiting to see what else they were going to say.

It was Jocelyn who eventually broke the silence. “What do we do? Should we call in Magnus?”

“No,” Dot said almost instantly, much to Alec’s relief. “No, the last thing we need to do is call her in. Like she told you, she’s had way too many Shadowhunters at her place lately. My bet is they’re looking for that girl in there. We don’t want to take her to Magnus and just, lead them right to her.”

“So what are you suggesting? That we keep her _here_?” The way that Jocelyn’s voice rose made her incredulity easy to hear, and it made Alec’s stomach drop a little. “I’m trying to keep Clary from finding out about the Shadow World, not throwing more of it at her!”

 _Well, that explains why the girl didn’t have any runes_. But why were they hiding her? What reason did they have to hide out like this?

Luke let out a heavy sigh. “Fine. I’ll take her home with me.”

Everyone fell silent. Alec turned her head, gaping a little at the crack in the door like it was somehow going to help her make sense of _that_. It was the last thing she’d expected him to say. The instant Jocelyn started to protest, Alec had been so sure she was going to have to go on her way tomorrow, and that was fine. She didn’t expect any help from them. She _definitely_ didn’t expect Luke to make an offer like that.

Clearly, neither did Dot or Jocelyn. “What?” Dot asked, at the same time that Jocelyn gave a soft “Luke…”

“I won’t send her back out there on her own.” Luke’s voice was steady. Firm. The kind of sound that Alec knew usually meant a person was going to do what they were saying, whether anyone else liked it or not.

“Luke, I know you want to help her, but you’re not set up for a child at your place. Let alone a warlock child. Besides, you spend almost all your time here,” Jocelyn pointed out. “How is that any different?”

“So what do you want me to do, Joce? Send her back out on the streets? I’ve seen what happens to kids out there! A kid like her? I’m amazed she’s still _alive_.”

“And that’s what you want to bring into my house? Around _Clary_?”

In contrast to the sharper tones of Jocelyn’s voice, Luke’s came back softer and steadier than ever. He didn’t raise it; he didn’t need to. There was enough power in his simple words; he didn’t even have to shout. “I’m not dumping her on the streets, Jocelyn. How you choose to handle that is up to you, but this is what I have to do.”

Alec carefully pushed the door closed. Only when it’d clicked shut did she lift herself up off the floor and make her way toward the bed. She hesitated just a moment, and then she pulled off her weapons and boots. The boots were tucked under the bed, the seraph blade under her pillow, her stele on the nightstand. Everything within easy reach. Then, still wrapped up in her clothes, she climbed right up into bed.

She was grateful for the silencing runes upon the door. That meant there was no one there to hear her as she let out a ragged breath. The bed felt amazing underneath her, the sheets soft and clean, and yet she couldn’t enjoy it. Not really. Not when her brain was too busy racing with everything that had just happened. The demon, the girls, Luke, and now all this?

This whole trip here was turning into so much more than Alec had expected. She’d come to get some sleep and some food, and maybe for some answers. Some _help_ , though that word grated at her. She wasn’t supposed to need help. She was supposed to be strong. She _definitely_ wasn’t supposed to go trusting strangers.

But Luke seemed like a nice person. And if she went off of how he talked when he didn’t realize she could hear him, well, it seemed like he really did want to help her.

What was she going to do if he made that offer over breakfast? If he asked her to come and stay with him?

Alec felt like she’d been running for ages. It’d only been months, yet it felt like more. So much more. She’d been running and hiding ever since she left the Institute. What would it be like to not have to do that anymore? To have an adult in her life that she might actually be able to trust?

Closing her eyes, Alec burrowed down into the blankets and tried to remind herself not to get her hopes up. No one was going to want to keep her around. Not even Luke. He’d get tired of her eventually. Realize what a _freak_ she was. Then he’d pass her off to someone else. But, maybe it’d be worth it. She could have steady food and sleep for a little while, and she might be able to convince that Dot woman to help her learn a few tricks. Then when Alec was forced back on the street, she’d be better equipped to handle herself.

With those thoughts drifting through her mind, Alec slid down into a light sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is taking me so long to edit IM A REALLY SLOW EDITOR OKAY ITS HARD :P I hope you guys enjoy this, though. Just one more chapter, and then we'll be able to move on to the next story - where our characters are GROWUPS

Morning came quickly. As usual, Alec was up before the dawn, ready to go. After months of having to slip out before light came and people came with it, her body had grown used to the new schedule. Only this time, there was no one around to worry about kicking her out. Just a household of people she didn’t know.

Though a shower sounded nice, Alec decided not to push her luck. Instead, she used magic to make her clothes as clean as possible and then suited up the same way she did every day. Boots, blades, stele. Her hair was braided on the side again, that little bit pulled loose enough to provide some shelter for her eye, and her hood pulled up. Then, once she was ready, she perched herself on the edge of the bed and waited.

She didn’t go out of the bedroom. Last night she’d clearly heard Jocelyn talking about Clary not seeing stuff from the Shadow World. Also, they’d mentioned school, which Alec had learned a little about in her mundane-watching. Since she had no way to fully hide her marks, she chose instead to stay in the bedroom until it sounded like the others were gone. Then she stayed a little longer, just in case.

Once she heard the door open again, and what sounded like Jocelyn coming back in – with two heavier treads that Alec was willing to bet were Dot and Luke – that was when Alec decided it was safe to come out.

She’d barely made it out into the living room when Jocelyn looked up from where she’d been making breakfast. There was a welcoming smile on her face that Alec wasn’t sure what to make of. “Good morning! I’ve got breakfast if you’re hungry.” Then her eyes slid down, and her gaze narrowed just a little. “No weapons in the house. You’ll have to go put that away before we eat.”

Give up her weapon? Alec glared at her and put a hand on the blade in a silent dare. She wasn’t going to give up her only weapon in a house of strangers.

“Joce.” Luke, who was leaning on the counter beside her, reached out and put his hand on her arm. They shared another of those speaking looks, and then Jocelyn was huffing, and Luke was smiling over at Alec. “Come on in and have a seat, kiddo. Things always look better on a full stomach.”

That was how Alec found herself sitting at a table with a werewolf, a Shadowhunter, and a warlock. At least they were eating, too, which saved her the awkwardness of having to have everyone stare at Alec while she ate. Not that it really stopped them looking. But it was easier to pretend they weren’t when she could see them eating, too.

For a few minutes, there wasn’t really any sound beyond a few “please pass the…” here and there. Alec ended up with a plate mounded high with eggs, toast, bacon, and sausage. All things that she loved. She’d tried to put just a little one, but Luke had grinned and added more, winking when she’d shot him a curious look.

To the evident shock of the adults, it was Alec who broke the silence. “Did you guys figure out what you’re gonna do with me?” Better to get the answer to that now. She could use the time they were eating to prepare herself for whatever option they’d chosen.

The rueful look Luke shot Jocelyn’s way made it clear that he, at least, had expected her to listen in on them.

“We’ve got a few options for you,” Jocelyn said, ignoring the look Luke sent her way. She put her fork down and instead curled both her hands around her mug. Elbows on the table, she rested her coffee near her mouth and watched Alec over the top of it. “The first option is that you stay here with me and Clary. We’ll give you the guest room, plenty of food, and anything else you might need. But you’d be expected to study with Dot each day to learn how to control your magic, and how to… glamour yourself. My daughter doesn’t know about the Shadow World, and I want to keep it that way.”

Alec held back the little sneer that wanted to slip out. So she could stay just so long as she hid how much of a freak she was. Just like the Institute.

“Or you could come stay with me,” Luke said. He didn’t stop eating, though he did pause enough to smile up at her in that friendly way that had first got her attention. “You’d still have to study with Dot, and if you wanted to go out and about, you’d either have to use your own glamour or learn one from her. But you’d be free not to wear one at home. No one else lives in my place except me. I’ve got an extra room you could have, and I’d be more than happy to have you there.”

The sound of a plate moving drew Alec’s attention to her other side where Dot was at. The warlock had moved her plate away and folded her arms down on the table. She was smiling, too, and it was a lot more natural than the one she’d had last night. She wasn’t looking at Alec like a child anymore. No, she was looking at her like the almost-adult that she was.

“Last option would be me,” Dot said. “I work and live downstairs. You probably didn’t notice, but there are a couple bedrooms in the back of the shop. Well, a bedroom and an office, but it wouldn’t be too hard to make the office into a bedroom as well. Benefits of…” Lifting one hand, she wiggled her fingers and let the magic curl around them. When it faded away, she dropped her hand back down. “You’re not the first young warlock I’ve taught. I’d be more than happy to take you on as a guest, a student, or as my random cousin coming to stay with me for a little while.”

“Right now, this is about what _you_ want. We can’t force you to come with any of us,” Luke told her.

Jocelyn nodded her agreement. “If you want to, we’ll let you go. No one’s going to stop you. We won’t force you to stay or hold you against your will.”

“We just want to give you options,” Dot said.

Their words felt like they were spinning through Alec’s head. She hadn’t expected this. Not any of it. After listening to the conversation last night, she’d sort of expected Luke’s offer, though it still seemed strange. But an offer from all three of them? “What do you guys get in return?” Alec asked skeptically. No one ever did anything for free. Her father had taught her that one – there was always a price.

“Nothing,” Luke said it like that was just some sort of acceptable answer. Though the sad look that went with it didn’t make any sense. “The only condition we put on our offers is that you let Dot teach you control, and how to glamour. But that’s for your safety as well as ours. Other than that, you don’t owe us anything, kiddo. I know you probably don’t get it, but… this is just the right thing to do.”

He wasn’t wrong. Alec _didn’t_ get it. People didn’t do nice things like this. Shadowhunter families helped one another out, sure, but there were prices for things. Favors that were traded, stockpiled, and owed amongst them all. That was how people got ahead in life. Building up a network of favors, of people who owed you, so that later on you could call those in whenever you needed it. Robert had been working on teaching Alec that for when the day came that she took over the Institute. When she was in charge, she needed to be able to have control. _Real_ control.

Nothing about this situation seemed to do anything for these people. Oh, sure, Alec would definitely owe them. There was no denying that. If they gave her shelter, food, safety, and magic training, Alec was going to be in their debt. But what could someone like her give them to pay them back for that?

Alec looked down at her food. They gave her a few moments to think in silence, and she was grateful for it. This wasn’t something that the answer was going to come easily for.

As Alec mechanically worked her way through the food on her plate, she tried to think of the pros and cons of each option – including the opportunity to just leave. She could get up and walk out of here right now, and she never had to look back. But, if Alec stayed, if she picked one of them to live with… she’d have shelter, food, and someone to teach her how to use her magic. Something that Alec knew she needed. Then she’d be able to glamour herself, maybe even work up to warding the places she was staying at if she ever had to run away again, and other things like that.

But who did she want to stay with? Jocelyn didn’t want her, she knew. She’d been very clear last night about how little she wanted Alec around Clary. Not that Alec could blame her.

Picking one of the others wouldn’t really keep Alec away, either. Luke spent time here, it sounded like, and he didn’t seem like the type of guy who would just leave her alone at his place while he came over here continuously.

Staying with Dot – the idea wasn’t _bad_ , but it was just, well, she was a _warlock_. Someone that Alec had been taught to distrust. No matter that she was catching on to better ideas now, it wasn’t easy to get rid of that feeling.

What would be the smartest choice here? What choice would her parents—no, she knew what their decision would be here, and that didn’t matter. Their opinion wasn’t one she wanted to follow.

What choice would _Izzy_ make?

Alec finished off the rest of her breakfast in silence while she tried to weigh everything. By the time she was done, she was pretty sure she had the right answer. Or at least the one that might be best for them all.

She knew when she looked up at caught Dot’s eye that the woman had guessed what Alec’s answer would be. Really, it was the only smart answer out there. “Are you sure?” Dot asked, not unkindly. “I’m more than happy to have you, but I want you to be sure this is what you want, not what you think you have to do to get my help. I’ll help you no matter which one of us you choose.”

Yeah, but Alec knew that staying with Dot was the smartest. Not only would she have her magical teacher right there, but she’d also have someone around who would be able to help contain any magical mishaps Alec had – of which she’d already experienced a few in her practices. Sometimes even in her sleep if her dreams were bad enough. That wasn’t fair to put off around Luke or Jocelyn.

Besides, Jocelyn had Clary, and Luke was a part of that family even if he did have his own home he went to. Alec couldn’t interject in that. “I’m sure.”

“Well.” A bright smile lit Dot’s already pretty face and made her look even prettier. “I’m glad to have you with me, then…”

The way she trailed off reminded Alec of something kind of important. She hadn’t introduced herself to any of them so far.

There was a moment where she hesitated in giving her name. Should she stick with her actual name? Or should she use something else?

In the end, she chose to keep it. It was the only tie she had left to her family. Maybe she couldn’t use her last name, but she could use her first. “Alec. I’m Alec.”

Dot’s eyes crinkled a little, and she got a dimple in her left cheek when she grinned. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Alec.”

* * *

Once breakfast was said and done, none of them wasted any time. To Alec’s surprise, Dot insisted that she go down first to get things ready, and Luke promised that he’d walk Alec down to her once she gathered her things.

It only took her a minute to do it. She hadn’t exactly come with everything, and the only thing she’d had left back in the bedroom was a knife under the mattress that she’d stuck there just in case.

Luke put his hand on her shoulder when Alec came to join him in the living room once more. He didn’t say anything, nor did he force her to say anything to Jocelyn. He just told Jocelyn, “I’ll be by after work tonight,” and the two exchanged a brief kiss.

“Bye, Alec. We’ll see you later?” Jocelyn said, though the last bit was more of a question than a statement.

Alec didn’t answer her. What was she supposed to say – _Not likely_? She didn’t exactly have plans to come up here all that often. Once Dot taught her how to glamour, maybe, so she wouldn’t scare the little girl. But even then, she probably wouldn’t come often. It seemed like these guys were a strange and tight-knit group.

Alec doubted she’d be able to get away with not seeing them at all. But if it were up to her, it wouldn’t happen all that often.

Together, Luke and Alec made their way out of the apartment and back downstairs to Dot’s shop. They didn’t talk at first. Not until they were outside the door that would take them back into the shop. There, just before they’d pass out of the wards, Luke stopped her. “Before we go in there, I wanna say something.”

Tension filled Alec’s shoulders. She tried to keep her body loose, not let it show, but she couldn’t keep it all contained.

Luke gave her a reassuring smile. “It’s nothing bad, kiddo. I just want to make sure that you know that you have the right to change your mind on any of this at any time, okay? If you decide you want to stay with one of us instead, or things aren’t working out here, or you just want out, you’ve got the right to make that choice. None of us are gonna force you to stay somewhere that makes you unhappy.” From his pocket, he pulled out a notepad and a pen. After scribbling something on there, he tore it out and handed it to her. “There. My number and my address. You need me, you can call, no matter what. Or just come on over. My door’s always open for you, all right?”

With each word that Luke spoke, the tension slowly drained out of Alec. It was replaced with something else she wasn’t quite sure she could name. Something soft and twisting that took up residence inside her stomach and left her feeling off-kilter. No adult had ever talked to her like that – been that kind to her.

Alec drew in a breath that shook more than she liked. Then she nodded at him. “Thank you.”

“Anytime, Alec. Anytime.”

With one final clap to her shoulder, the two finally made their way out into the shop once more.

* * *

Just like Dot had said, there was a door at the back of the store that led into a hallway. One that had a couple doors in it. Dot was waiting for them in the middle of the hall with a big grin on her face. “Just in time, guys! I think I’ve got everything moved around.”

“I’ll leave you to give the nickel tour then,” Luke said. “You guys have a good day. And remember what I said, Alec.”

With no more than that, he was gone, and it was just Alec and Dot left standing there together in the hallway.

“Right,” Dot said, breaking the silence that had fallen in Luke’s absence. “There’s not really much to show. That door there on your left, that’s the bathroom, and the one on your right is the office. Well, it _was_ the office. Now the office/bedroom. But,” she waved her hands and took another step back, gesturing rather extravagantly to the last door. “ _This_ is your new room.”

When Dot made no move to open it, Alec took a step forward, watching her carefully. There was no move to stop her, and so Alec closed the last bit of distance and reached out to open the door herself and took her first look at her new room.

The bedroom behind the door was about half the size of the one Alec had just moved into at the Institute. Yet, it was so much warmer, even with so few things in it. Dot had left a four-poster bed in there made of a beautiful dark, warm wood, that looked kind of like an antique. It matched the dresser that was up against the wall, as well as the tall standing mirror.

Alec moved inside, slowly circling to take it all in. There was a window near the bed that appeared to look back into some sort of backyard. Not that it was really a _yard_. More a cement area with some plants, bracketed in by more cement and buildings. The view wasn’t exactly something to write home about, though the sunlight would be nice. But the room itself was _lovely_.

“These were some things I’ve had in storage for a while,” Dot said, smiling a little as she leaned against the doorframe and crossed her arms over her chest. She was watching Alec looking around the room.

Alec let out a low hum. “They’re lovely.”

“Thank you. I like them. I’ve got a few other pieces I prefer right now – I moved those down to the other area. But I like to keep some things and cycle through them when I feel the urge to switch it up a little. We can add some other things if you think of something, and we’ll work on going to get you a few clothes and such later today if you’d like.”

The idea of clean clothes was a nice one. Alec would love to be able to sink into a hot bath and then have something fresh to put on. But there was just one small, important thing. Though it went against the grain to say it, she had to tell Dot, “I don’t have any money.”

“That’s fine,” Dot said easily. “One thing about being a warlock that a friend taught me – you have plenty of time to gather wealth. I’ve got more than enough to get you some necessities.”

“You don’t have to do that. I have some things of my own I can go get,” Alec said.

Dot pushed off the door, yet she seemed to resist coming further into the room. “Alec, it’s no big deal, really. I want to do this, okay? Consider it part of me taking you in. Clothes and such come with the whole room and board package we’ve got going on here. I don’t mind.”

This mattered to Dot for some reason. Alec knew that that was how it worked for Shadowhunters sometimes too. They’d send a kid off to foster with someone else for a while, learn from them, and while they did, that person was in charge of their needs. In a sense, that’s kind of what this was.

Dot must’ve read her hesitance as something else. She finally did take a step into the room, and she tilted her head, studying Alec’s face under the hood. “Is this about going out in public?” she asked, blunt yet kind. When Alec startled, eyes darting up, Dot offered her a gentle smile. “I know it’s kind of a frightening thing to think about. I can glamour you beforehand if you want.”

Just the thought of Dot’s magic touching her like that, something more than just the simple letting through the wards that she’d done earlier, had Alec flinching.

Dot nodded like she’d sort of expected that. “Yeah, I wouldn’t want that either. It’s kind of an intimate thing to have someone’s magic against your skin like that. Plus, well, I can only imagine how terrifying this whole thing has been for you. If I were you, I probably wouldn’t trust anyone’s magic near me, either.”

Terrifying – that was one word for it. “I never _wanted_ any of this,” Alec spat out the words like they were poison. She hadn’t meant to say them, yet they came out anyway. Like all of a sudden, that bubble of nastiness she’d been carrying around finally reached _too much_. “I, I just woke up one night, and it felt like my skin was trying to burn itself off my body. My magic almost destroyed my whole room. Then, when I looked in the mirror, I found all of this.”

With a furious touch, Alec reached up and yanked at her hoodie, pulling it off and throwing it on the bed. It left her in a t-shirt that clearly showed off her arms.

“I look like a _monster_ ,” Alec said, holding out her hands so Dot could really _see_. The words were meant to be as angry as the rest, yet they came out jagged and fractured at the edges.

Dot didn’t even flinch at the sight of all the black skin on display. Her eyes stayed on Alec, and for a moment, they were old. Far older than her face would suggest. “Did anyone find you?”

For a second, Alec hesitated. Then she shook her head. “I snuck out before they could.”

“And you’ve been on your own ever since.”

That wasn’t a question. Yet Alec answered it anyway. Why not? This woman should know what she was getting into having Alec here. “Where else was I supposed to go?” Her voice came out angry, yet so very _tired_. Far more tired than a kid her age should be. Slowly, the young girl moved and sank down onto the edge of the bed. “I’m not a Shadowhunter anymore. At least, not enough for them. I’m not stupid, I know what they would’ve done to me. But I’m too much of a Shadowhunter to risk going around most any warlock out there. Neither side is gonna want me. So, where was I supposed to go?”

“I’m so sorry, Alec.” Honesty backed those words in a way that Alec couldn’t deny.

Dot came to join her on the edge of the bed. She sank down beside her, leaving a gap between them to offer Alec the space she’d so far showed she desperately wanted.

“Finding out you’re a warlock is never easy,” Dot said gently. The words would’ve sounded almost patronizing from anyone else. From Dot, there was this air around her, one of sadness, that made it clear she knew what she was talking about. Her eyes were a bit distant for a second. Then they focused back on Alec once more. “Yours had to have been even worse. I’m not entirely sure why your mark manifested the way it did. Maybe someone knew, and they tried to suppress the warlock side of you. Or maybe, somehow, the two parts of you battled together, and it took this long to find a proper balance. I don’t know. What I _do_ know is there’s no turning it off now. Being a warlock is part of who you are. You’re going to have to learn to accept it, the same as the rest of us.”

Alec bit on her bottom lip. For a moment, she debated her words very carefully. “Do you think... Do you think this happened the normal way? Or did… was this something from Valentine?”

At that, Dot’s head snapped sideways, her eyes bright and sharp. “What makes you think that?”

“I read about him at the Academy. They said he liked to do experiments on people. Did… do you think maybe he did something to my Mom?”

The sharpness slowly faded from Dot’s eyes. She closed them for a moment and took a deep breath to gather herself. When she opened them again, she looked a whole lot calmer. Sadder, too. “You are way too grown-up for an eleven-year-old. I never stopped to think before about what it meant for the nephilim to start fighting so young.”

“Most of us don’t live to see old age,” Alec said, repeating back words she’d been taught many times. “They need us fighting fit as quickly as possible.”

Dot shook her head again. “ _Nephilim_.” The word was said like a curse. Yet, she didn’t add on to it. Instead, she backtracked to Alec’s original words. “To answer your question, I don’t know. I don’t know what happened in the past. All I know is that you’re here now, and I’ll do whatever I can to help teach you and keep you safe. Now!” Lifting her hands, she clapped them together, grinning a little when Alec jumped. It was like she was banishing the bad mood with that clap, closing the one subject, and moving them on to something else. “If I’m not going to glamour you, why don’t we start working on teaching you how to do it yourself?”

A sense of relief curled its way through Alec’s stomach. She looked up, and she smiled.

* * *

Learning the glamour wasn’t anywhere near as hard as Alec had expected it to be. It was simple, something that was tied to her body, and in no time at all, Alec had it over her. She stood in front of the standup mirror and was able to look at her face without needing to cringe. Something she hadn’t been able to do in far too long.

There was a weird sort of itching sensation that came with it. Alec found her fingers reaching up to her face, almost without her even realizing she was going to do it.

“That’ll fade,” Dot said knowingly. When Alec looked at her, she gestured to where Alec’s hand was half-raised. “That weird, itchy feeling. That’ll fade once you get used to wearing it. It’s just odd at first to change around a part of yourself like that. Pretty soon you won’t even notice it’s there.”

That was what she wanted, more than anything in the world. Alec wanted to keep the glamour up and pretend that nothing about her was different.

For a moment, she couldn’t help but wonder – could she go back to the Institute like this? Hope burned bright in her chest for that one single moment.

Then reality returned, crashing down around her and taking any hope with it.

There was no way she could return. How would she explain where she’d been the past few months? If they questioned her, if they wanted to put her to the Soul Sword, her secret would come spilling out, and she’d be in danger all over again.

No, there was no going back to the Institute. Not for her. Alec closed her eyes against the grief that swelled up inside her.

At least she had this now. She might not _be_ normal, but she could look it. At least for a little while.


	5. Chapter 5

Making the decision to move in with Dot hadn’t been an easy one. Choosing to move in with any of these people wasn’t easy. However, it was proving to be much simpler to put into practice than Alec had anticipated. It was less like gaining a parent, something that Alec had worried Dot might try to be, and more like gaining a… friend. Or perhaps a slightly protective big sister. Was this what Isabelle felt like around her?

Dot made sure that Alec ate, cautioned her on staying up too late, and she was a right terror when it came to their lessons. She could’ve put any of the Academy instructors to shame. However, she was also content to let Alec do what she wanted in her free time, even if that was just roaming the streets, and she was never _smothering_. It was almost as if she’d taken Luke’s words about nephilim children to heart and had decided to treat Alec more like that.

It was _freeing_. Alec found herself waking up a little less worried with each passing day. Dot treated her well, made sure Alec was taken care of, and she taught her new things with magic each and every day. What more could Alec ask for?

For the most part Alec did her best to avoid going anywhere near Jocelyn. Going near her meant going near Clary, and she’d gotten the message loud and clear about how Jocelyn felt about that idea. So when Dot went up to join them for dinner, or to hang out for a while, Alec retreated to her room and the books that Dot had brought in for her. Books on Downworlder history – written by actual Downworlders. Warlock books. Even some mundane books, to “…help you adjust to mundane life a little more. Nephilim kind of get away with not being involved with them, but warlocks not so much.”

Of course, in all their efforts to keep them all apart, none of them had taken into account Clary’s naturally inquisitive nature, or the pigheaded determination that Alec would later learn was squished into the tiny package that was Clary Fray.

On yet another afternoon where Dot went up to have lunch and talk with Jocelyn, just a few weeks after Alec had officially moved in, the young girl was hiding out in her room once more. She’d curled herself up in a chair by the window and was content to sit and read this strange story about some a group of kids who stepped through a closet into some sort of magical world.

Mundanes were _weird_.

However, it was kind of cool, too. Even without actually knowing that magic existed they still found ways to make it up in their stories and such.

A crash somewhere outside her window was enough to have Alec’s attention perking up away from the book. She was used to the noise of the city, even here inside the wards Dot had around the building. But that one had sounded a little close, and it was almost immediately followed by a boy’s voice crying out “ow!”

In the next second there was another voice, a girl’s this time, and she sounded both exasperated and worried. “Shh, Simon! You’re gonna get us busted! Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I fell over that _damn_ thing.”

One corner of Alec’s mouth curled up. The way the boy swore made it clear he wasn’t used to doing it. That was the sound of someone who was testing out something new; something forbidden. It was a thrill to be able to say the words grownups said, yet it didn’t quite fit right yet, the use of it still too new. Alec remembered when she’d done the same thing.

Of course, she’d done it in the privacy of her rooms, away from others so there was no risk of getting in trouble.

Isabelle, on the other hand, had done hers just as loudly as she did everything else. One night at dinner she’d accidentally spilled some of her soup on herself and the table when she’d caught her bowl with her elbow while snatching Alec’s roll. Immediately the seven-year-old had shoved away from the table and shouted a loud “ _Fuck!”_

At the time, Maryse and Robert had scolded her, but it was clear Robert was fighting not to laugh.

Later, Maryse had made her displeasure with Alec clear for letting Isabelle be exposed to language like that. She’d doubled Alec’s training for the week.

Shaking out of the memory, Alec leaned a little further into the window. It only took her a moment to find the source of the voices. There were two kids back behind the building where Alec’s window let her look. They were scrambling down from a ladder they definitely shouldn’t have been on – or, they had been, until the boy Simon had apparently hit something and fell.

Alec debated for a moment sitting there and saying nothing. These two had clearly done this before judging by the way they were moving around. Sneaking out obviously wasn’t new to them. But, considering that Alec had first met Clary when the girl had somehow been attacked by a demon that shouldn’t have been able to come out in that kind of low evening light, the idea of just letting them go off alone didn’t feel right.

Only, instead of walking away like Alec had expected them to do, or going off to play together back there, Alec was surprised when they both turned toward her room. She knew they couldn’t see her. She was glamoured at the moment, not just with a rune but with the magic Dot had put on her window to make sure no one would be able to see in and catch her at something. Still, she went very still, waiting to see what they were going to do.

“Are you sure we should be doing this?” Simon asked. He was small and slender, with glasses that were a bit too big for his face and a worried, nervous look.

Beside him, Clary looked absolutely fearless. She rolled her eyes in a way Alec was more than familiar with from when Isabelle felt like _she_ had said something stupid. “It’s fine, Si. We’re just gonna go and take a peek, that’s all. I wanna see this cousin Dot’s got staying with her. They made it sound like she might be my age.”

“Yeah, well, if she wanted to hang out with us, wouldn’t she have come up? Let’s just go back upstairs and go play.”

“Chill, Si. I told you, I’m just gonna take a look, that’s all.”

Ah, so they were here to check her out. They must’ve heard the adults talking at some point upstairs and pieced together a little bit. Enough to make Clary curious.

Alec watched the two of them come forward toward the window. They were trying to be stealthy and failing _miserably_ at it. How on earth was this girl a nephilim? Even if her Mom was hiding them out from the Shadow World, she should’ve at least been training her kid just in case something happened to her. What if a demon attacked when Jocelyn wasn’t around? Clary would be a sitting duck.

For a moment Alec debated just letting them come up and peek at what would seem like a plain, boring room. But a little spark of something in her had her nudging the window open just a crack. She had a feeling Clary wouldn’t be able to resist. Then she moved to stand off to the side and she deactivated the rune that kept her hidden, though she kept the magical one up to make her skin appear unmarked by any mark or rune.

Sure enough, it only took a moment after the two reached the window before Alec heard Clary say “I’m gonna go in and take a look around.”

“Clary!” Simon whispered furiously. “You can’t _do_ that! That’s someone else’s room.”

“Oh, be quiet, Simon. I’m just gonna look around, that’s all. Aren’t you the least bit curious?”

These two were just horrible at sneaking around anywhere. Alec made a mental note to fix that, only to startle a moment later when she realized it. She was supposed to be avoiding this girl. Mostly per Jocelyn’s orders. She wasn’t going to be around her to teach her how to sneak better. Nor was she in charge of training her. The girl wasn’t a Shadowhunter.

That reminder was almost enough to stop Alec’s plan. But then the window slid up and Clary came climbing in like she owned the place, and Alec reacted the same way she might’ve if some Shadowhunter kid had snuck into her space.

As soon as the girl was halfway in the room, Alec struck.

The move was a simple one. Any Shadowhunter kid would’ve been able to stop her. But Clary only further proved she had no training whatsoever when she did nothing to stop it as Alec caught her sweater and yanked her in the room. The girl only flung her hands out as Alec sent her crashing over onto the bed – she wasn’t mean enough to send an untrained kid to the ground.

To her credit, Clary bounced back quickly, fire in her eyes and her hands curled up into tiny little fists.

“Clary!” Simon called out. He was trying to scramble in as well, and Alec quickly awarded him the same treatment, sending the boy flying toward the bed.

At the same time, Clary rushed forward to clearly try and stop her from grabbing at Simon, and Alec ducked the sad little blow she sent her, twisting to catch her arm and fling her back toward the bed to land beside Simon.

The two on the bed sat up at almost the same time. Alec stood near the window, arms crossed over her chest and one eyebrow raised in a look that she’d used many times to let her sister know she was pushing it. “Is there any reason you two are breaking into my room?”

Instead of looking angry the way that Alec had expected, Clary reacted with something much more surprising – _excitement_.

“Woah!” Clary’s eyes were wide, and her mouth had dropped open. Then she practically flew up off the bed and grabbed at Alec’s arm, tugging on it as she bounced on her toes. “You gotta show me how you did that! That was _so cool_!”

Alec blinked at her for a moment in stunned surprise. “What?”

“How’d you do that? Are you like, a ninja or something? Is that why Dot’s hiding you out down here?”

As Clary bounced up and down beside her, spitting out more and more ridiculous questions with each passing second, Alec found herself unable to do anything but stand there and stare at the younger girl. _By the Angel – this isn’t fair. Why did you have to put me in a home with a girl so much like Isabelle_? How on earth was Alec supposed to stay away from her when Clary was doing everything in the world to remind Alec of the sister she’d left behind?

The grief Alec felt at thinking of Isabelle was enough to harden her tone. “Do you always break into other people’s rooms when you’ve been told to stay away?” Alec asked sharply.

She watched as Clary jerked back at her tone. The girl let go of her, yet she didn’t back down. She stood her ground with Simon right there beside her and glared up at Alec. “This is Dot’s room. I’ve never been told I can’t come in here before. My mom owns the whole store, you know. Dot _works_ for her. That means this is _Mom’s_ room.”

That wasn’t something that Alec had known. She knew Dot worked in here, that she did a little palm and card reading for some of the customers and worked selling the antiques the rest of the time. But Alec hadn’t realized that it was Jocelyn’s store.

Not that that made a difference. “You knew this wasn’t her room anymore. I could hear you talking out there.” Anyone and everyone could’ve heard those two coming.

“We just wanted to see who was down here,” Simon blurted out. He was still by Clary, but he looked more like he wanted to be anywhere but here. His hands were twitching nervously in front of him and he was leaning back from her.

Clary had none of his nervousness. “We heard Jocelyn and Dot talking about you, but they kept shutting up each time we came in the room. So we wanted to come look for ourselves.”

Arching one eyebrow, Alec huffed, shaking her head. “Are you always this nosey?”

“Are you always this rude?” Clary shot back.

A reluctant smile tugged at Alec’s lips. She thought of Isabelle, hands on her hips and glaring up at Alec, declaring her the worst, meanest, _rudest_ sister ever for not sticking around to read the exact story that she wanted to hear. For the twelfth night in a row. “It’s been said.” No matter that it might get her in trouble, Alec couldn’t help but unbend enough to at least show some manners. “My name’s Alec. I’m Dot’s cousin. She’s letting me stay with her for a while.”

That was the story they’d all decided on. It was the easiest to explain, and Dot had insisted she’d be able to get the mundane paperwork to back it up if needed.

“I’m Clary, and this is Simon. He’s my best friend.”

Alec didn’t tell her she already knew that. She just nodded again and waited, curious to see what they’d do next.

She should’ve known better than to leave a curious kid free to ask questions. Clary didn’t hesitate to go right for the tough ones, either. “How come you’re staying with Dot?”

“Because I want to,” Alec said honestly.

“What about your Mom and Dad? Where’re they?”

Simon elbowed her, hissing her name in warning, and Clary had the decency to look a little embarrassed by the question. She ducked her head down a little and lowered her eyes. Yet, she didn’t retract the question or apologize.

When Alec didn’t answer, just kept staring at them, the two seemed to realize that she wasn’t going to. Alec sort of expected her to push, or to maybe give up and decide to leave. Instead, Clary looked at her for a moment, and then she grinned. “Wanna come play with us?”

“Huh?”

Rolling her eyes, Clary gestured toward the window. “You know. Outside. _Play_. Simon’s got a new card trick he said he was gonna show me. You should totally come watch.”

Alec almost said no. Why on earth would she want to go out there and see some card trick or whatever it was these two were talking about? She hadn’t gone outside and played games in _years_. Alec had no idea what kinds of games mundanes even played. Something told her they were nothing like the types of games that she was used to playing.

But, if she was going to try and fit in around her, she needed to learn how to do it. The Shadowhunter life wasn’t hers anymore. _This is the world you live in now. Get used to it._

Pushing down the grief was starting to become habit. Alec forced it away, along with all thoughts of dark hair and bright shining eyes, big grins and pleas of _“one more time, hermana, come on!”_ That was then, and this was now, and right now Alec had to do her best to work with what she had.

With a shrug of her shoulder that was more like a jerk, Alec ignored the lump in her throat and nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

The way that Clary and Simon both lit up should’ve made her feel happier.

“Great!” Clary exclaimed. She was already racing toward the window, tugging Simon along with her, and she gestured for Alec to follow them. “Come on! We’ve got so much cool stuff to show you!”

As Clary started chattering away about all the things that she and Simon liked to do, and his supposed skills at card tricks and other things that were ‘sort of nerdy but lots of fun’, Alec shook her head and followed after them, wondering what on earth she’d just gotten herself into.

* * *

The three of them were still outside when Jocelyn and Dot came looking for them later. Alec was sitting there trying to follow the directions the two were giving her as they played some weird game called _Go Fish_. She had no idea what fishing had to do with any of it. There weren’t any fish on the cards or anything like that. Nor did they play for anything fun. But the two were having a blast teaching her.

Their game was interrupted by the door opening. Alec heard them coming long before Jocelyn cleared her throat to get their attention.

“What are you three doing?” Jocelyn asked. To Alec’s ears, she didn’t sound to happy, but when she looked up the woman wasn’t frowning. She was smiling.

Clary bounced up off the ground with the same enthusiasm she seemed to give everything. “Mom, Mom, can Alec come up and have dinner with us? Please, please, please?”

There was only a brief flicker of Jocelyn’s eyes down toward Alec. Then she was looking back at Clary and smiling. One of her hands came up to smooth Clary’s hair back from her face. “So long as she wants to, I don’t see why not.”

The loud cheer that Clary let out echoed off the walls around them. In a flash she was back over to Alec and was grabbing hold of her hand, yanking her upright with the same casual disregard for personal space that she showed Simon, tugging until Alec rose, too. “Come on, Alec, we can go upstairs and you can see my room. I’ve got the _coolest_ new art set. You should sit and let me draw you sometime! You’ve got a pretty face. I’m not as good at drawing as Mom is, but I’m getting better…!”

Again, Alec was caught up in the whirlwind of chatter and sunshine that Clary seemed to drag around with her. The best she could summon up against it was a faint scowl. But not even that diminished Clary’s exuberance. She just kept dragging Alec inside right past the adults. Alec tried to shoot Dot a pleading look, only for the woman to laugh openly and _wave_ at her.

* * *

That night, Alec wasn’t surprised when Dot came to speak to her about what happened.

Alec was in her room, having just changed into her pajamas and brushed her teeth. She was sitting on her bed braiding her hair when a rap of knuckles against her door drew her attention. She looked up to find Dot leaning against the door with the faint hint of a smile curving her lips. “So, today was interesting.” Her eyes twinkled a little and that smile grew. “I see you’ve found a few new friends.”

“I’m sorry,” Alec blurted out.

Dot blinked a few times in surprise as her smile fell away. That clearly hadn’t been the answer she’d expected to get. Then her brows furrowed down a little. “For what?”

Pressing her lips together, Alec debated her words carefully while she finished off her braid. It wasn’t until she was curling the ponytail around the end that she answered her. “I know Jocelyn didn’t really want me to be around Clary,” she finally said. “I’d intended on staying away. But they got curious and they nosed at my window, and then…” Then somehow she’d gotten caught up in the hurricane of that little girl and was swept away before she’d even realized what was going to happen.

A pained expression briefly tightened Dot’s features. Then, with a heavy sigh, it all melted away to something older and aching.

The woman pushed her way off the doorframe and came over to join Alec on the bed. She drew one leg up and sat half on her foot, her body turned a little toward Alec. “Alec, honey, it’s not that Jocelyn didn’t want you around Clary, not really. It’s just, their story’s complicated.”

“I know they’re hiding from someone. A Shadowhunter.” They’d told her flat out that Jocelyn was hiding, but Alec was the one to fill in the blank that it was a Shadowhunter. That was the only answer that made sense.

Dot didn’t even hesitate to nod at her. Nor did she try to lie. “You’re right. I’m not sure what Jocelyn would be okay with me telling you about their story – it’s not really mine to tell. But… she’s hiding out from an extremely bad person. Someone who wants to use her and Clary to hurt a lot of people. So, it’s not really _you_ that Jocelyn’s worried about. It’s just, she has a hard time with the idea of another Shadowhunter being around.”

Alec processed all that for a moment. It made a few things make sense, while others were only more confusing. “If there’s someone that might find them, how come she’s not telling Clary about the Shadow World? Wouldn’t it make more sense for her to be prepared?”

A small smile curved up one side of Dot’s mouth. “Honey, trust me, I’ve tried telling her that. So far it hasn’t seemed to work for anything. She’s determined to keep Clary sheltered.”

Well that was just stupid. If she did that, Clary would be defenseless if anything came after her.

This was worse than when Alec was worried about just strange demons coming for Clary. Someone bad, someone that Alec was guessing was a Shadowhunter, wanted to come for these two and hurt them. Use them to hurt other people. If they did, Clary was going to have no idea how to defend herself.

Thinking of that had Alec scowling. She wasn’t sure yet if she liked the girl or not – Clary was loud, unafraid to ask questions, and a bit annoying. She was always smiling and laughing even when there wasn’t anything funny. But the thought of someone hurting her didn’t sit right with Alec. She was just a kid. A little kid.

“She’s gonna get hurt if someone comes after her,” Alec said bluntly.

She didn’t notice the faint smile that Dot gave her. Too caught up in her own thoughts, she missed it entirely. “Well it’s a good thing she seems to like you then, isn’t it?”

Those words had Alec sitting up straighter. This was the perfect way that Alec could start paying these people back for what they were doing. She could look after Clary. Watch over her, make sure no one hurt her, make sure she was safe. Maybe even teach her a thing or two about self-defense when no one else was around. Jocelyn didn’t want her daughter knowing about the Shadow World, but that didn’t mean that Alec couldn’t discreetly teach her how to defend herself just in case something _did_ come after her. They’d have to be careful, though. She had a feeling if Jocelyn found out she wasn’t going to like it.

Unbeknownst to Alec, as she started to build her plans, Dot pushed up from the bed and walked away, smiling a little. She had a feeling the young girl had just gained herself one very overprotective bodyguard.

Clary was going to be one of the most protected children around. Between a Shadowhunter mother determined to keep her safe, a warlock protecting her and her home, a werewolf for a stepdad, and now a young and determined Shadowhunter/warlock who was stepping into the role of bodyguard/friend, Valentine was going to be hard pressed to ever find his wife and daughter.


End file.
